Tuesday, February 19, 2008

I recently cut my hair. It was just getting too unmanageable. However, I would like to grow my hair out. What's with the phrase "grow your hair out" anyways? It seems to me that this expression really only applies to certain people. All the rest of us who don't have super curly hair grow our hair down.

I think the primary reason I like growing my hair is because I like to wear hats. And what's long hair but a hat you can wear all the time? That's why women are so fashionable, they've always got an exquisite hat on. Men, on the other hand, we're walking around with our Elmer Fudd caps and beanies on. That's why most rock stars have long hair; they know proper head wear is the key to success.

Tuesday, February 12, 2008

Foreign Bathrooms

The bathroom is always awkward for me when I spend the night at a friend's house. Typically there's lots of eating during the day, or maybe you went over for a barbecue and had to stay the night because you'd been drinking so you couldn't drive. So the inevitable happens, you feel that urge and you've got to GO.

What is it about pooping at a friend's house that's so awkward? I mean, the bathroom was designed for this sort of thing, I'm sure they've pooped there, so what's the big deal? I think pooping at a friend's house should be a compliment! You know how in some european countries it's a compliment to burp after a meal? Well, why can't this be our thank-you. The after dinner poop. I liked your food so much, I had to get rid of all the food I already had with me in order to make room for yours!

I think the problem with pooping at a friend's house is getting to a point where your friend is sufficiently distracted so you can sneak off for a couple of minutes. Try to get them interested in a TV show or speaking to a cute party member. Then you're good to go. Now, if you can make it to the night-time you're golden. Morning is also a popular time. Once they are asleep, that bathroom is all yours, it's just a matter of whether or not you can make it that long.

Is there anything more disconcerting than pooping in a bathroom where the door has no lock on it? I mean, what is this the stone ages? Locks haven't been invented yet? Every little bump is magnified. You hear someone in high heels down the hall, you freak out cause you thought it might have been a knock "SOMEONE'S IN HERE!". When there are children at a party the lock-less door becomes even more dangerous. Children have no sense of knocking at all. Door is closed, don't bother checking the light under the door, just walk right in! If I ever have children, thats the first thing they are learning. Screw talking, lets talk about knocking.